2 days of liquids only

•January 10, 2011 • Leave a Comment

oh man its that time of night. i want a friggin cookie. or a bite of a grilled cheese. or a bbq baked lays chip. or an apple. whew. its way harder to do a cleanse/fast at home than at a spa in palm desert. duh.

must comfort and anesthetize (spell check please) myself with tv at least. otherwise i’d have much more to say about day 1.


I’m starting the Master Cleanse tomorrow

•January 9, 2011 • 1 Comment

Oh lordy, sobriety has the strangest side effects.  Such as, we (my self, my husband and our 3, 6, and 9-year-old kids) recently spent 5 nights, including Christmas, camping on an uninhabited island in the Sea of Cortez.  It was friggin’ unbelievable.  I actually shed a few tears when we said goodbye to our guide.  I swear I left a piece of myself on that island.  Sigh.

As for other bizarre sobriety side effects: in the last year or so I’ve gone on a 3-night raw food retreat where I ended found myself naked in a pool getting swished around by a 6-foot-tall bald man.

And I got my first colonic.  Swear to God the technician said, “that was one of the largest releases I have EVER seen.”  And I am 5’4” and was 130 at the time.  I clogged up the machine.  It was like taking the most satisfying crap you’ve ever had and multiplying it by, well, a REALLY big number.  Ahhh.

For my 40th birthday, I spent five days in the desert at We Care spa doing a liquid-only cleanse and daily colonics.  It was fabulous.  Never in a million years could I have imagined I would be doing that on my 40th birthday.

I could go on and on but I’ve made little progress on my TV addiction (especially since I’ve discovered 16 and Pregnant) and it’s time for my fix.

It’s the end of my sole Ease-In day and I’ve consumed, roughly in this order: my green juice concoction of greens, apple, lemon and kiwi), rooibos tea, more green juice, kombucha, and butternut squash puree.  I didn’t exactly follow the Ease-In rules but since it’s optional anyway I figure close enough.  I will drink the laxative tea tonight and then tomorrow I will commence 10?! days of consuming only water, tea, salt water, and a mixture of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and grade-B maple syrup.  Go figure.  It’s one of the oldest cleanses around so, well, I’ve got that going for me.  And I’m getting a colonic tomorrow.  Hurray!!  My how times have changed.

still sober

•June 5, 2010 • 6 Comments

i’ll have 8 months sober on the 13th of june. life is way different. except in the ways that it is still the same. more on that later.

insert title here

•November 27, 2009 • 5 Comments

i did it.   i made it through thanksgiving.  my first non-pregnant sober thanksgiving since… middle school probably.  let’s see, how old was i when my sister and i started sneaking wine into our bedroom.  i remember going on stealth missions to secure a bottle a wine only to get it into the bedroom and find that it had a cork.  damn.  back for a screwtop which fortunately wasnt too hard to find in our house. the wine tasted awful but it was well worth it, the way i felt. we played captain and tenile on our 45 records and billy joel on 8 tracks.  we used tall green tupperware cups.  when we got older we played drinking games.  one time we had to drink every time madonna sang “papa dont preach.”  yikes.  that may have been the year that we got my normally stoic grandma tipsy and the three of us pounded on the table chanting for my mother to “burn the stuffing, burn the stuffing.”  i always liked my stovetop with a nice crust on it.  ahhh good times.  i must have been in college the time i got high with my aunt and she stole my one-hitter.  “how was your thanksgiving?”  “well it was pretty good except my crazy aunt snagged my favorite one-hitter.”  i’ve been stoned just about every thanksgiving since then.  except yesterday.

it was going pretty well until a guy came up and offered me some weed.  last time i saw him was on a family camping trip in september when i was asking him for pot at 9 in the morning.  i wasn’t tempted but after that i got to thinking how nice it would be.  the music, the lights, the kids in the pool with the water changing colors, the food, the wine.  [the kids are screaming again, right now that is, better just hit publish or this post may never see the light of day.]

sobriety! go figure.

•November 13, 2009 • 9 Comments

i’ve been sober since otober 13.  no alchohol, no recreational drugs, no pills (except zoloft of course).  so far it is way better than being unsober.  way better.

the best part is that i dont torture myself all the time anymore.  i still have a sadistic asshole of a superego thats for sure.  but i’ve taken away a tremendous amount of its ammunition.  (plenty left though, not to worry, i still have lots of good material for this blog if i would just turn off the idiot box and write but hey one thing at a time for chrissake).

i actually cant think of much else to say right now.  i feel… well, pretty good.  i have a new therapist that i see twice a week.  funny story:  back in august when i first went to see her, she basically took one look at me, arched an eyebrow and said something like, “The only way i will see you is if you come twice a week.”  And since i had recently tried snorting percocet (thanks for the idea nurse jackie), because a mere pot and alcohol buzz wasnt enough for me anymore, i wisely agreed that twice a week seemed appropriate to me.

gotta sign off now because littleurchintoddler clad in fuzzy footie pj’s just came to me and said, “you play zingo wif me mama?”  then she raced off and started putting away the blocks and said “i’m cleaning up so fast, are you done mama?”  what’s a mother to do?  play zingo course.


six word memoir

•January 30, 2009 • 11 Comments

you are ALL tagged, every single one of you, to write a six word memoir.  here.   in my comments.

check out this link to the six word memoir on love and heartbreak project at smith magazine.  but i want to hear it first.

here’s my six word memoir:

dead babies, live babies, what else?

and yours?

new confession

•January 29, 2009 • 5 Comments

i watch too much tv.  every night and every nap the baby takes.  i watch tv.  that’s another way that i turn off the madness.  i veg.  when i have free time, i NEVER want to exercise for a release or have sex or take a shower.  i want to watch tv.  or go to the movies. i have been like this for as long as i can remember.

there is something wrong with me.