what the f*ck **amended**

okay, i thought i’d move to wordpress but so far i hate it. i can’t figure anything out, like why the middle part is so skinny and how to sign in somewhere and how to change the title letters to black. i need some black in my site for chrissake. damn. my baby is probably going to wake up any second now and this is what i’ve accomplished. i should’ve watched some more bad tv. i want to put up a picture of a jizo holding a pinwheel but i can’t get on blogger to find the url of the photo i used in my post there.

blogger sucks anyway. all of that signing in and out bullshit and blah, blah “you’re signed in as blah, blah do you want to switch accounts?” i hate that shit. how ’bout you guys fugure out how i can check my personal email and comment on a blog without switching google accounts. i try to never comment without copying it first because i know it’ll dispappear during thegetting the right sign-in thing happening. so now the baby is awake. that was it? that was my first post? christ.

i’m amending this post with some information. i’ve come to wordpress from blogger, where my first blog lives. you can visit that blog here at trying to have a baby that lives

i can’t figure out how to finish that sentence without having the whole thing be the link to my url. anyway, that blog is a journal of my harrowing last pregnancy, the one that followed two deadbabydisasters. one disaster was at 22 weeks, 5 days and the subsequent one was at 11 weeks. i say all this so you will know where i am coming from. that’s all behind me now but actually it isn’t. those of you with deadbabies now that you don’t leave them behind. they become a part of who you are, like it or not. quite a bit of my story is still untold. i never finished the “big f*cking nightmare” aka my tiny daughter’s birth story. i never even started the horrifying recounting of how, six months later, i came to be holding my perfectly formed dead baby boy in the palm of my hand. i haven’t gone there. probably becausei just couldn’t.

now that my subsequent, subsequent pregnancy is over and i have a lovely baby girl sleeping upstairs, i think i can get to work on those demons. so this blog will be about life with the baby that lived and life with the babies that didn’t. it will also be about parenting. with an edge. and hopefully a sense of humor albeit a little dark. it will also be about being a woman. and a wife. oh yeah and a sperm donor.

turns out my closest confidante’s wife is pregnant with my husband’s baby. just kidding, about it being his baby. it’s not his baby, it’s their baby. but we helped them make it. they have to raise it. and feed it. and wipe its butt ten thousand times. anyway there should be some good material there even though they read this blog. that’s all for now. not much to say after that.

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~ by complicatedmama on October 17, 2007.

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