Eviction time?

It may be time to move babybear into her own room.  She’s five months old now and she is sleeping like a newborn, like shit that is.  Last night she woke at 10:30 and cried off and on for 20 minutes and then went back to sleep.  Then she awoke around 1, much better.  I put her back in her moses basket, yes she is still in that thing.  Then she was up again around three and I think she nursed for about three hours after that.  Seriously I couldn’t get her off me without her starting to fuss.  So I slept like hell again.

If we move her into her own room we’ll have to move legoboy and monstergirl in together.  Definite issues there but the bigger issue is probably that I am not ready to move the baby out of our room even though she keeps me up half the night and I feel like a zombie most of the time (I missed a really easy Halloween costume opportunity there).  I’m not ready for her to be growing up.  I am so okay with her not being a newborn anymore and I am thrilled to know that she was my last newborn BUT moving her out of our room?  Hmm.  And she’ll come into bed to be nursed anyway so we’ll still have the problem of getting her out of her bed so we can all get a little more sleep.  Unless I go and nurse her in the rocking chair in her new room and then put her back when she is done.  I remember this point with my other two.  This is where the old “pay now or pay later” comes in.  get my tired, raggedy ass out of my warm, cozy bed and trudge into another room to sit in a rocking chair?  Its hard to rally for that when as it is now rocket man brings her to me and I pull up my top and often go right back to sleep next to a warm and snuggly baby.  But that snuggly little beast wants a nipple in her mouth from 3 a.m. on.  This hasn’t been going on for long although it has always been harder to get her out of the bed after the second or third nursing.

Hmm.  Another dilemma I am facing is to start giving her bottles of breastmilk at bedtime.  She seems to sleep better that way.  Likely because my poor exhausted body cant produce enough milk for her.  I have never had a great milk supply and I struggled with both of my other kids.  This time I am on friggin’ domperidone and more milk plus.  You would think I could pull it off.  And once I start bottle feeding regularly at night my supply will decrease even more.  That pumped breastmilk is HARD to come by so that’s a factor.  And I will run out of my freezer stash soon unless I manage to step up the pumping somehow.  As it is I pump before I go to bed and I get, seriously, one ounce from each breast.  It hardly seems worth it.  When I am finished with this pump I am going to have some friends over and explode it into a million pieces.  And charlotte (at dosmamas) ( I don’t really like calling her that because that’s my dead baby’s name and it isn’t even charlotte’s real name) is going to make me a boob cake to celebrate.

So blah, blah.  What’s the problem?  My foolish pride is keeping me from using up my freezer stash (to supplement at her bedtime) because then I’ll have to go to formula unless I can somehow find another time to pump.  Pumping is hard with two other kids.  There is no great time to do it.  I should be doing it right now while she is napping.  But I already feel drained of all vitality and I haven’t had much for breakfast because I can’t eat dairy so why would I hook myself up to a machine that will try to suck a little more life out of me?  That is some melodramatic bullshit I just wrote there.  I don’t feel like pumping.  I don’t want to go to formula.  I want to do it myself dammit.  I don’t want her to get all constipated. I don’t want her to get soy formula because of the estrogen.  She probably wont dig cows milk formula because after all I am off dairy.  Blah, blah, why would anyone but a nursing mom want to read this shit?

If I bottle supplement then maybe she’ll sleep better.  If I get her out of my room then maybe she’ll sleep better.  Enough blathering.  I should go pump.

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~ by complicatedmama on November 1, 2007.

6 Responses to “Eviction time?”

  1. Your daughter sounds like my son. I keep telling myself that I need to start him in the crib, but the thought of less sleep than I already get is painful. I need a baby nurse or something.

  2. Why don’t you put her in the room with Helliongirl? Or should we call her Sassypants?

  3. I can’t think of a good name.

  4. nursing mom, interested, typing one handed while fussbudget mcboobface pulls at my tit endlessly. i face the same dilemmas.

  5. Happy to find you here. Sorry I don’t have a solution. In the same boat w/ a 9 mo old. No dairy, up all night only nursing from one boob. She took a bottle unlike D-man but barfed up all the soy formula in a bad way, tried the $$Ali.men.tum$$ smells real bad, expensive as hell and she wouldn’t take it. Then there was the anal remorse of giving her formula. Yeesh! Ya, not so sweet like that of a b/f child and I don’t get the good hormones. Actually, pushing her to T’s side of the bed if she lets go of the boob buys me a little time. Keeping up my calories w/.An.gel..Mi.lk. Much luck to you.

  6. oh man, one boob, no dairy, no formula? that s.u.c.k.s. what the hell is that kid eating? is she living off a single breast? fuckin’ a.

    i rolled babybear’s tiny behind over to her dad this morning. “visitor for you” as i crammed my ear plug into my cochlea and went back to sleep. then i dreamt of him muttering in his sleep a list of grievances about me, e.g. i dont shower everyday and i don’t cook. who would’ve thought those two would even make the list!? good to hear from you lady.

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