we set the date

i may be out of commission for a week here. my parents are in town. yikes. they have been here for about 5 hours and i am still on speaking terms with both of them. that is, i haven’t clammed up completely yet. somehow no matter how good my intentions are i revert into being a surly sixteen year old and when they leave i feel like such a bitch. my dad spent 5 1/2 months working round the clock to help us have a live baby and i was such a bitch. he drove me crazy and i could barely even speak to him. yeah. oops.

so they are here and i am trying to be nice to assuage some of my guilt. and it would be nice if we could enjoy each other’s company a bit. my mother is here too.

on another note here is an example of how great fancy doc is. last time i saw him, we decided that we would go out to dinner. so i emailed him and joked about since he’s seen me naked so many times we should definitely be friends. he emailed back, “thanks for the memory.” then i emailed about how we were taking bets on how old his significant other is. she is in karate boot camp next week so we cant go to dinner while my parents are here. he took that joke pretty well and then passed my email on to her, his “personal assistant” to iron out the details. it should be pretty fun to hang out with him. he’s a good guy. it would be weird to never see him again as is normally the case when perinatologists deliver babies.  we went through way too much together for him to just waltz off like jon lovitz at the end of “a league of their own.”

anyway, we, or i should say i, set a date. for scattering charlotte’s ashes. and her little brothers. we are going to scatter them at the place by the creek where the plaques are with all of the departed childrens names. and we are going to have her name put on the next and final plaque. i am pretty happy about having her name put on the plaque. then we can visit the spot where her ashes were scattered and see her name in print.

i ordered a bulk shipment of pinwheels that should arrive soon. it was cheaper to order 72 so i ordered 72. cant beat that logic, huh? so i’ll have a few extra. my plan is to stick them in the ground at the site of the plaques. it overlooks the creek. i am picturing lots of pinwheels, inspired by the japanese jizo statues and this article by peggy orenstein and this picture. so people rowing by on the creek can see them and kids walking by with their parents could take one.

charlotte (i need a new name for her) of dosmamas and her wife will join us. my mother said she would really like to be there. anybody who read my story might recall the epoch scene my mother made in the hospital because she was upset that i didnt want her to be there when i delivered the baby. she created her biggest, ugliest, most horrifying scene of my life. and that’s sayin’ something. and she wants to come. that’s rich. we’ll see if she brings it up again. it was really stupid of me to tell her we are planning to do it.

anyway we set the date. a week from tomorrow. now its been 5 1/2 hours that my parents have been here and i dont feel like a big ahole yet.


~ by complicatedmama on November 10, 2007.

3 Responses to “we set the date”

  1. I hope your parents don’t drive you too crazy.

    Beautiful plans for their ashes. Hope you post a picture of the pinwheels and the creek.

  2. The pinwheels are a lovely idea. Honestly.

  3. I’m glad you’ve set the date and I hope there will be some sort of release and peace for you. It sounds like a beautiful place.

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