i suck at blogging

there are lots of things i could blog about. i have plenty of turmoil and angst and guilt. thats the stuff that gets me writing.  but not when i have the blues.  i am better than i was but i still have leftover NYE mj. that keeps me on the addiction rollercoaster which is rife with blogging material.  mostly though its just a boring familar process that i get through on my own.

in other news, monstergirl doesnt have celiac.  yeehaw!  her dcotor still thinks we need a major change in her diet but we’ll get to that in a week or so. thanks so much for all of your helpful comments.  we may still be gluten-free but without the sense of panic or urgency.

baby is waking up.  she actually took a decent nap.  what a fucking miracle.  maybe she got the message when i screamed at her this morning.  seriously i dont take monstergirl to school so i can race home from legoboy’s dropoff so she can get her precious nap.  i feel SOOO gulity that i am not there at preschool dropoff.  monster said thai morning, “why cant you take me to school mama?”  fuck.  then babybear sleeps for 20 fucking minutes and then screams her head off.  meanwhile i am 90 minutes into broken dishwasher warranty company runaround freaking BULLSHIT and i am stressed because the celiac results came in but my doctor is off til thursday.  so i screamed and yelled at the monitor.  and i even yelled at my baby, who just looked at me and smiled.

it felt good yelling at the monitor.  i felt so damn guilty about not taking my little preschooler to school. its her first year.  there is a cute little goodbye song as the kids file in on the train.  and i miss it everyday.  i am lucky to have the carpool but instead of feeling lucky i feel guilty. if i took monster to school then baby would fall asleep on the way home and then refuse to transfer and be all bright-eyed after her 5 minute nap in the car.  either way it sucks.  someone gets the shaft.

i wish i blogged more because i feel ike i am sucking at blogging.

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~ by complicatedmama on January 15, 2008.

5 Responses to “i suck at blogging”

  1. I’m sorry you’re feeling so blue.

    Anything I can do (from afar)?

  2. Guilt sucks and is pretty much inescapable. Think of it this way: If you took monster to preschool, then baby would not be getting the essential sleep she needs in order to grow up healthy–so you’re doing it for her, not for you!!! You know, sometimes when I’m feeling really guilty, I think about how generations of parents before us never did shit with us and never felt bad about it either.

    I hope the NYE mj is at least giving you some moments of peace. You are too hard on yourself!

    Take care, glad to see you posted again.

  3. Too many damn reasons to feel guilty as a mom. Don’t feel guilty about not blogging. We’ll all be here when you’re ready to post about your turmoil and angst. In the meantime, I’ll just keep checking back everyday :o)

  4. Is it me or is guilt usually a mother’s domain? Why do we always bash ourselves and highlight what we perceive to be our parenting flaws? I am reading a book rec. by B. at unwellness (called what Mothers Do) and it is really changing the way I view moms as a tribe. You are doing your best and it is more than good enough. I wish you wrote more! : )

  5. i sometimes wonder why the fuck i would start a blog myself. the commitment, the obligation…shit i’m so bad at…shit that makes me want to run screaming for the hills. but really, isn’t it only bad when you’re thinking you need to post something? while i’m doing it, i like it.

    when you feel like doing it, write, and then like it. in between, just don’t sweat it. HA! i scream and curse at my monitor too. i love that!!

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