i hate this day

today sucks.  goddamn i am MISERABLE and angry today.  raced home from dropping legoboy at aschool and monstergirl at the carpool so i could put babypaininthebutt down for a nap.  45 minutes.  she was up at 10 a.m.  10 friggin a.m.  ridiculous.  then i have four hours to kill before school pickup.  she fell asleep in my arms at 12:30. of course because that’s 15 minutes before i need to leave to get the kids.

then i pick up the kids and walk right past a beautiful sunny park so i can get her home for a nap since she’s been up all day save the 15 minute nap in my arms.  so what does she do?  scream her butt off for 30 minutes.  i got her up at 2:45 because otherwise she’d finally fall asleep right before i have to leave for the chiropractor.

basically my whole world, no our whole world revolves around her friggin nap time and she doesnt have the decency to sleep .  it makes me so angry.  clearly i need to relax about it.  i was like this with my older kids too.  i am big on naps.  in the crib, dark room, properly scheduled to allow ample time for sleep.  i give up so much and my older kids give up alot so we can let out lives revolve around her damn schedule.  i know i should get over it but it is important to me that she sleeps well.  healthy sleep habits, happy child convinced me of the importance of good naps.  not 40 minutes, not a catnap out and about somewhere.  and my kids have always been decent nappers and they always went to bed early.  babybear goes down at 6 and sleeps til 7 or so with one wakeup.  good daytime sleep = good nighttime sleep.  that’s another reason to be afraid to shake off the naps.

but days like this make me SO FUCKING ANGRY.  maybe there is some space in between.  clearly i cant live like this.  ooh an dthe comment from the woman who took zoloft and her kid didnt sleep well for the next two years, until she went off.  that is so discouraging.   were you nursing that whole time?  hopefully that wont happen to me because that will make me crazierthan i am now.  fuck.

and of course i feel like an asshole right now because i am complaining about my baby.  i know that some of you would give anything to have these problems.  anger in one hand, guilt in the other.  fuck.

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~ by complicatedmama on February 5, 2008.

9 Responses to “i hate this day”

  1. You are not an asshole for being angry. Nap schedules can be a drag when they work, but when they don’t? Even worse!

    You need help, and you are seeking it. Try to go easy on yourself in the next few days while you start down that road.

  2. hey there… I was the one who commented about the zoloft. I was nursing that whole time (he nursed until he was 6, no I’m not some boob nazi, it just happened that way). I don’t *know* if it was the zoloft, but for me it seemed too much of a coincidence to not link the two. But again, that may just be how my body and his body metabolized it and how his brain reacted to what he was getting through breastmilk. At the time, I felt safest taking that (over the other options). Perhaps the opposite would be true for you, you never know until you try it right? The fact that it helped me not shake him was a big bonus, sleeping through the night was not so important in comparison, yk? I didn’t mean to freak you out, just wanted to share my experience.

    And while he wasn’t sleeping through at night, he wasn’t waking up freaking out or anything like my daughter was when she was reacting to dairy via breastmilk. He would wake up, have some boob, go back to sleep. He was also a good napper, when he consolidated to one nap, he often slept for 3 hours in the afternoon.

    My money is on the dairy… but maybe once you feel more level on the zoloft, it won’t seem like such a bear to consider, kwim? Wishing you long naps and pockets of peace and quiet 🙂

  3. OK – 6 years old, really? Anyways, my best friend took zoloft throughout her pregnancy and is still taking it while nursing (her son is 1). She’s never had any problems with his sleeping. Also, my son was a 45 minute napper and it drove me up the wall. I finally just told myself that’s how he is. He would take 3-4 naps a day, but they were never very long. As he got older (6 months or so), he started to sleep a little longer and we cut it down to 2 naps. I know what it’s like to be the nap nazi. Friends who don’t have kids don’t realize that YOU DON’T MESS WITH NAPTIME. If you mess with naptime – you mess with EVERYTHING else. It’s just another one of those things that sucks about newborns. But of course, that will change and you’ll miss having a newborn. Good luck to you!

  4. BA-6 years old what?

  5. No sleep issues once I started Zoloft. If anything, things were better, because I was better able to have a little more perspective on the whole thing. I hear you on the naps. It’s a bitch, and I just have the one kid, so the whole world can revolve around her. I can only imagine how much harder it is to manage kid #2+ nap schedules around the rest of the family’s activities.

    You’re not an asshole. We all know that you’re incredibly grateful to have babybear. It doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard and incredibly frustrating at times to deal with a newborn and newborn issues. If you were all gushing over how happy and blissed out you were all the time to be a SAHM to three kids, I’d think (no, I’d know) you were full of shit and I’d quit reading!

    I really, really hope that you’re feeling better in a few weeks, once the Zoloft kicks in.

  6. I was talking about the woman nursing her son for 6 years. WOW.

    I’ll be thinking about you at 2:30 for your appointment. I hope you get some relief. I’ve been taking a combo of wellbutrin and lexapro for about a year now and I feel so much better. After everything you’ve been through and then caring for 3 kids it’s hard to get a grip sometimes (I only have 1 child and haven’t been through anything like you have and I find it really hard to get a grip a lot of the time). Unfortunately, I rely on the MJ a little too much, too.

  7. Kids naptime is very important to me. It sounds like my Alex sleeps as shitty as your ickle baby. Big suck.

  8. i am a healthy sleep habits disciple!!!! holy shit i would have slit my wrists long ago if it wasn’t for that book.

    FUCKING NAPS…are driving me crazy right now too. they just turned 3 and now don’t want to nap, yet are becoming, um, unruly by the end of the day. blehhhhhh…

    and you know, when i read about your crying baby i imagined having a crying one and being really happy, but i never for a splitsecond thought you were an asshole for complaining about it. and i even know, despite my daydream, that it would suck to holy hell if i had a crying one, too. k?

  9. umm… yup… 6 years. I weaned him on right around his 6th birthday. Never (ever) planned to nurse that long and actually had the same reaction as you did when I met someone once who’d nursed their kid that long. But that’s just how things evolved for my son and I. Again, I’m not some boob nazi and don’t want to get in a debate about extended nursing in CM’s comments, but you asked, so there you go. What’s good for one goose isn’t necessarily good for all the other geese, kwim?

    CM – thinking of you today, hope you find some relief soon!

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