free pass tag

tagged again yikes.  this one is much harder.  free pass.  to have sex with a famous person.  my initial response is that i cant even think of anyone.  how pathetic is that?  actually adrien grenier from entourage came to mind but if the guy actually showed up on my doorstep, i’d slam the door in his face and run for my closet.  (interesting that i chose my closet it to hide in-that’s where babybear sleeps.)  how lame is that?  its just a hypothetical.  its just like me to overthink it.  even now i am thinking i cant come up with anybody that i wouldnt shy away from.  there couldnt be any free pass.  look what happened to demi moore and woody harrelson in indecent proposal.  and they got a million bucks out of the deal.   hmm.  okay i’ll try.

how ’bout robert redford twenty years ago?  okay maybe thirty years ago.  too blond?  i might consider an exception for him.  and adrien grenier?  could i change my clothes first?  and go to pilates three times a week for four months?  pierce brosnan?  maybe if he were a little grubby with is hair tousled at least.  first thing in the morning maybe.  but then again he is pretty smokin’ in a tuxedo.   would he have to see me naked?  okay maybe lying down in a flattering position.

isnt it horrifying how shitty i feel about my body? with clothes on, things are improving.  my gut is shrinking.  damn it took so long this time.  supposedly with each baby it gets harder to lose the weight.  and i was on my couch for FIVE MONTHS.  and its not like i was working out before then, amidst the terror of the first trimester.  the cellulite has spread down to my knees.  my ass is Frightening.

christ i cant even fantasize.  i may have hit a new low point here.  when i was supposed to hit my sexual prime?  maybe the zoloft is impacting my “libido.”  i dont like that word.  you’d think i’d be able to fantasize.  i think the famous hot guy factor is a limiting one.  hmm i should try my grade school gym teachers.  that always works.


~ by complicatedmama on February 27, 2008.

13 Responses to “free pass tag”

  1. I hate my body now too. Particularly as I can’t justify it’s appearance to anyone with a baby and now I’ve got to do the whole pregnant thing again just to really make it suck. Bitter? Me?
    I struggled to think of my pass list, really I ended up putting old ones down and people I just liked their music, which doesn’t really count. I just don’t have a pass list anymore.
    Redford 20/30 years ago was hot.
    Pierce too nice. Like you say not grubby enough.

  2. ok, i’m a lesbian and all, but i find bret michaels strangely sexy, maybe because of his show.

    and then the usuals. i mean, anyone would sleep with Ellen, right?

  3. hmmmmm….scary i can’t think of anyone either – if do fantasize, i have to be someone else or imagine that i’ve had a lot of work done! Damn am i hideous right now. yeah, yeah, my husband tells me i’m sexy but he doesn’t count cause he loves me and hes desperate. besides i just can’t imagine caring about sex – seriously…what is that? and how in god’s name did it happen? i care about my daughter, sleep…..and…..i know there is something else – oh yeah – klonopin.

  4. I just can’t imagine not being able to come up with anybody???!!! Maybe I fantasize too much. At least celebrities are safe. If dh knew I was hot for at leat a third of the hockey dad’s on my son’s team, I may not be married anymore.

  5. Oh, and fuck them seeing me naked. We are so doing it in the dark!

  6. I can’t think of anyone either. Actually, if I had to pick someone it would be Mariska Hargitay even though I’m not gay. But, only with her really short hair that she had for many seasons on L&O:SVU. And I didn’t exercise once during my pregnancy and that includes “going for a walk.” didn’t happen.

  7. Leonardo DiCaprio in 1996. Mmm.

  8. ooooooooh! mariska hargitay! her too

  9. oh I admit it. I really don’t like my post baby body and its actually not that bad (relatively). Umm…just taking up your offer to make any comment…Don’t take this the wrong way but maybe ‘Monstergirl” could have a new name cos its kind of negative …and the other names are cute. If I was one of your kids I’d choose one of theirs…

  10. Ah fuck that, since we’re fantatsizing about men (people!) that, in all reality, won’t show up at our doors, I am also fantasizing that my body looks a whole lot different. My body is like the robot girl on Terminator: Sarah Conner… Ok, wait, she is too skinny. My body is like… well crap, every one I think of (Hallie, Jlo, Jolie) is/was pregnant and still look better than me right now. Bitches.

  11. 2 words, javier bardem

  12. oh, and he can only speak to me in spanish. that’s the only requisite.

  13. ewww, my grade school gym teacher was an old fat guy who had leathery skin from the sun, a nasty smell of stale smoke, and those “coaches shorts” that are oh so flattering.

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