i’m a jackass. like it hasn’t been said before?

okay so it was assy of me to throw that little fit about commenting.  i like the feedback okay?  i like the interaction.  i like knowing who is reading.  then i can check your blogs out.  my sitemeter wont show me referrals since i switched to wordpress and i miss being able to see where people are coming from.  i also LIKE your comments.  i like hearing people’s thoughts, experiences. you could never hijack this blog.  i like it.  i also put alot of thought into that 6 things tag and i was disappointed that there were lots of visitors but few comments.  yes i am self-absorbed.  yes i barely comment on the blogs i read.   and i had the nuts to bully AND guilt you guys into commenting.  yes i feel like an jackass.  but all of the above statements are sincere.

having said that, your comments were great.  i laughed, i nodded in commiseration, i pondered, i found new blogs to read, i felt shitty, deservedly, and like i should own up to my bullshit, and possibly most importantly i put the baby down earlier, at cristin’s suggestion, and she slept for two fucking hours!!!

i continue to encourage you all to just say whatever the fuck you are thinking when you read my shit.  if you dont want to or cant, i get that.  i barely comment because of lack of time and lack of the right words.  i am just encouraging you not to filter.  share that dissenting point-of-view by all means.  the uncomfortable place is where the growth is right?  for me this blogging thing isnt about having an audience, it’s about the interaction. christ enough already.

on another front, i did two days of zoloft at 50 and didnt like it one bit.  no can do.  my jaw was tight, reminiscent of experiences with ecstasy.  i felt speedy and kind of mildy whacked out.  i am going right back down to 25.  the psychiatrist said that i probably bottomed out on 25 because i actually need a higher dose.  in other words i felt good on 25 for a week or so then i felt like my old self again.  fuck it though.  i’ll take my old self over what i had today and yesterday.  there is also the nursing baby to think of.  maybe after a week or so i’ll try 37.5.


~ by complicatedmama on February 27, 2008.

16 Responses to “i’m a jackass. like it hasn’t been said before?”

  1. Forget lexapro. I forget all about X. It’s been forever, those carefree days. That will keep my seratonin levels up AND awaken some sexual urges. Wouldn’t that be a flashback?!

    “Urge” is such an ugly word.

    By the way I liked your six things post. I share on of your six things in common with you. That sentence seems a little clunky but you get the point.

  2. yeah those were the days. sexual urges? i vaguely remember them. which one of the six things do we share? unshaven legs or did you hook up with a cop when you were slinging pancakes?

  3. ok, the six things post. i get that. for starters, my partner is 46 and I? am 27 and we have been together since I was in high school, although I did turn 18 heh. another, my mom used to pick her nose in front of us too. gross. when i was like 6 i told my friends mom that my mom picks her nose and my mom was mortified and yelled at me. wtf? if you don’t act like there’s anything wrong with picking your nose then why get pissed when you’re called out? i don’t know when i french kissed a boy, but it was young. everything i did was young, probably due to sexual abuse. but thats a post in itself (that I wouldn’t actually post because, well, you’ve been to my blog. It doesn’t really have much ‘content’)

    On sexual urges, I’ve got ’em (although not necessarily for my partner anymore, kids do that to a relationship, you know?), she doesn’t. lesbian bed death. YIPEE!

  4. oh and i like that you encourage us to just say what we want in our comments. a lot of times I don’t comment because i don’t want to say something wrong. awesome

  5. *why not comment three times if i’m already at 2?!*

    SO awesome about the baby sleeping so long!
    I don’t know much about meds, but 1. I should be on them and 2. I want them to be the magic cure. Sorry the 50 didn’t do it for you.
    If I do actually post on my blog, I wait and wait for someone to comment and take it very personally when no one comments. But, like I said, my blog doesn’t have much content, so I get why no one comments. I’m trying to say that I get that too. Although I’m getting rambley and probably not making much sense because my three year old is currently VERY close to my six month old…need I say more? gotta goooooo…………!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Hi. No one barely comments on my blog. Probably because it is lame. But I will start commenting on yours because it is not lame.

  7. Well, you opened the floodgates to comments, didn’t ya? 🙂
    I have tagged you for another meme, check out my Free Pass post. Enjoy 🙂 haha

  8. Yeah, I thought you were sort of a jackass to browbeat your readers into commenting. I get why you want us to comment, but I did think to myself, fuck, I’ve got my own shit to deal with and about 2 minutes to myself while *my* kid hopefully sleeps. And when I do comment, it’s not as though you reciprocate by commenting on my lame little blog (still trying to figure out what I want to do with that space – no need to rush over and comment just because I said something here). So there you have it.

    I admire your honesty, and your request for ours. You really tell it like it is and aren’t afraid to put yourself out there, even when it isn’t pretty. Even when you’re being whiny and guilting your readers into commenting. 🙂

    I’m glad that the earlier naptime seemed to help, at least for today. I find that my 7-month old definitely needs to go down for a nap within 2 hours of waking up, otherwise she turns into an overtired mess. Sleep begets sleep. I know that’s hard to integrate into real life, when you’ve got 2 other kids and schedules to keep. She’s my only kid, so the world revolves around her nap schedule, basically.

  9. fantastic. i love it. michelle-i’m so glad you said that. its a relief. it made me chuckle. btw i am a nap nazi. i am all over the 2 hour window. whenever possible.. i just thought she extended that window all of the sudden. it happens at some point. i guess not yet. whew. its so much easier when the guesswork is taking out of it.

  10. Not the unshaven thing. I LOVE to shave and shave daily. It’s along the lines of the cop thing. He was in his forties, I was in my early twenties. I look back and think WHAT the fuck was I thinking??!! (for oh so many reasons…) The sex was beyond horrible. And he was so jacked up on coke most of the time too.

  11. oh yuck. wow i wouldnt have guessed it was that one. both of my cop hookups were kind of gross too. the idea of it and the buildup and the initial kiss was good but downhill from there. the thrill of the chase perhaps.

  12. I like the fact that you threw a hissy fit. I mean we all want to sometimes at least you had the balls to 🙂
    You have opened the flood gates now 🙂
    I know Tash said that it took a couple of weeks for the Zoloft to kick in properly for her sorry I can’t remember how long you’ve been taking it and if I try and look I’ll lose my comment.

  13. I’m a big lurker and never leave a comment. Sorry about that. I’m kind of shy. I promise to do better. I like to hear what you have to say.

  14. Chop that pill in half and do 1.5 pills for a few days. That is what I did.

  15. For me the thrill of the chase gave way to the love of the gifts and getting expensive nights in hotels, etc. I coasted on that a while. Then I came to my senses. It took way to long. There was also a mid 50s british journalist but that is another story for another day….

  16. I’m a freak-a-leak about commenting, just to show that I’m reading.

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