I’m starting the Master Cleanse tomorrow

Oh lordy, sobriety has the strangest side effects.  Such as, we (my self, my husband and our 3, 6, and 9-year-old kids) recently spent 5 nights, including Christmas, camping on an uninhabited island in the Sea of Cortez.  It was friggin’ unbelievable.  I actually shed a few tears when we said goodbye to our guide.  I swear I left a piece of myself on that island.  Sigh.

As for other bizarre sobriety side effects: in the last year or so I’ve gone on a 3-night raw food retreat where I ended found myself naked in a pool getting swished around by a 6-foot-tall bald man.

And I got my first colonic.  Swear to God the technician said, “that was one of the largest releases I have EVER seen.”  And I am 5’4” and was 130 at the time.  I clogged up the machine.  It was like taking the most satisfying crap you’ve ever had and multiplying it by, well, a REALLY big number.  Ahhh.

For my 40th birthday, I spent five days in the desert at We Care spa doing a liquid-only cleanse and daily colonics.  It was fabulous.  Never in a million years could I have imagined I would be doing that on my 40th birthday.

I could go on and on but I’ve made little progress on my TV addiction (especially since I’ve discovered 16 and Pregnant) and it’s time for my fix.

It’s the end of my sole Ease-In day and I’ve consumed, roughly in this order: my green juice concoction of greens, apple, lemon and kiwi), rooibos tea, more green juice, kombucha, and butternut squash puree.  I didn’t exactly follow the Ease-In rules but since it’s optional anyway I figure close enough.  I will drink the laxative tea tonight and then tomorrow I will commence 10?! days of consuming only water, tea, salt water, and a mixture of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and grade-B maple syrup.  Go figure.  It’s one of the oldest cleanses around so, well, I’ve got that going for me.  And I’m getting a colonic tomorrow.  Hurray!!  My how times have changed.

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~ by complicatedmama on January 9, 2011.

One Response to “I’m starting the Master Cleanse tomorrow”

  1. If only I had a dollar for every time I found myself naked in a pool getting swished around by a 6-foot-tall bald man!

    So good to read you again. Cleanses, colonics, sobriety? Would love more details on everything!

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